


Navigating Space

by QuantumFeat72



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Ableism, Angst, Autistic Chara (Undertale), Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mute Chara (Undertale), Nonbinary Chara (Undertale), Self-Harm, Stream of Consciousness, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-18 01:03:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21519364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuantumFeat72/pseuds/QuantumFeat72
Summary: They're just as scared of you as you are of them.They're trying to be kind, but they don't know what to do with you, and they're right to be scared of you.  You'll try to be good, you'll try not to hurt anyone, but that can only get you so far.  It's only a matter of time.
Relationships: Chara & Asgore Dreemurr, Chara & Asriel Dreemurr, Chara & Toriel (Undertale)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What happened when I decided "Chara is an absolute chatterbox" and "Chara is almost completely nonverbal" are not mutually exclusive (and them using a sign language when they were alive would explain a lot actually).
> 
> This was originally going to be part of the one-shots series but it got much longer than I expected it to and it feels.... really wrong to add something to it that more than doubles its total length. So I'm splitting it into three chapters, all of which are going up tonight.
> 
> (Mind the warnings - specifically the self-harm warning. It's for a pretty uh... graphic? scene, toward the end of the first chapter. The ableism is just referenced/implied, though.)

"It sounds like it came from over here..."

You freeze, still clutching your leg in one hand.There's someone _here_?!Someone _heard_ you?Footsteps enter the cavern and you lie very still and try to pretend to be dead.

Whoever's there, they aren't fooled for even a second."Oh!You've fallen down, haven't you..."They rush closer to you and you can feel their presence behind your back, a hand on your shoulder."Are you okay?" they ask, and you silently curse yourself for yelling for help - you know your words aren't going to come again, not when you actually _need_ them, so you just sit there and say nothing."Here, get up..." says the person, tugging at your arm.Reluctantly, you comply until you get to a sitting position, and decide to sign something _now_ so you can set at least a little bit of a precedent.Maybe they'll think you're Deaf.

It doesn't really matter _what_ you sign, not unless by some weird miracle this person knows ASL, so you just sign the first phrase that comes to mind."My name is Chara."

You glance up at the person as you sign, and- oh, that's... that's a little monster.A boy, you think... you didn't expect the monsters to be so small, and he looks pretty soft too.He takes one of your hands and tries to help you up, but you can't really put any weight on your leg so he ends up wrapping your arm over his shoulders to haul you upright."Chara, huh?" he says, and you can't help but blink in surprise."That's a nice name.My name is Asriel!"

As he speaks, he half-carries you to the edge of the room.There's not much you can do with just one hand, but you sign "you too" by way of returning the compliment.He smiles at you.

"Come on," he says."Let's get back to my house, maybe we can heal your leg."Somewhere, it occurs to you that it might not be the best idea to just go with this monster without a fuss, but with your leg the way it is you doubt you'd be able to get away, and he's being nice for now, and it's not like you'd survive much longer if you just sat at the bottom of a hole with a broken leg.

If you're gonna die, you may as well see this little monster's home first, so you nod and try not to lean on him any more than you have to as he hauls you through the caverns.

"Sorry," he says after a few minutes, "it's kind of a long way."

"It's okay," you sign, as much as you can, "are you tired?Should we stop?"

"Huh?No, I'm fine!"He puffs out his chest a little and grins."But, uh, let me know if you need to stop and rest, okay?"

"Okay," you reply."Thank you."

You get to a big door after a few minutes, and Asriel groans loudly."Come on!" he says, loudly, and you flinch just a little at the noise."Can't you guys leave the puzzles open for five minutes?"

There's nobody here to answer him, though, and he grumbles more quietly.

"Here," he says, and drags you over to a wall."Why don't you sit for a minute while I get this open?"

You brace against the wall and he keeps his hands out to catch you as you lower yourself onto the floor."Okay," you sign.You think the polite thing to do here would be to offer to help, but you really don't think there's anything you could do with your leg the way it is, so you make yourself as comfortable as you can and watch him jump on a few of the buttons on the floor before he flips the switch.

Satisfied, he comes back over to you and says, "Cool, ready?"

"Why is there a puzzle here?" you sign, and he pauses, surprised.

He turns back to the door and puts a hand on his chin while he thinks."Well, the Ruins are full of them," he says."I think they're here to keep humans from getting in, in case any come down through that weird hole."

You blink a couple times, suddenly confused, when he looks back to you.Does... does he not _know_?You swallow and nod.Maybe if he thinks you're a monster, like him, he won't kill you after all?You think you'd be a good monster.A better one than you are a human, anyway.

Asriel helps you up and the two of you start off down the path again, and this is by far not the last puzzle you find between where you are and where you're going, and Asriel smiles and waves at a couple of other monsters as you walk by - a frog, bigger than a normal frog but smaller than Asriel, a weird carrot, a moth of some kind?If any of them realize what you are, they don't tell him, and you're glad.Maybe all monsters are small, then, you think.That really isn't what you expected, but you guess if they've been stuck underground for so long maybe they got smaller?Like, from an evolutionary standpoint you guess that would make sense.Right?

When you get to a room with a bunch of colored switches, Asriel groans and mutters, "I hate this one.Sorry, this is gonna take a while."He helps you sit against a wall and looks back and forth for a second."Hey," he says, refocusing on you."Do you think you'll be OK here if I leave for a minute?"

You can't help but be a little scared, but you try not to show it.You don't get a chance to answer before he speaks again.

"It's just, um... this puzzle is four rooms long, and it would be kind of tricky to do it like we've been up until now."He raises his hands in a way you think he means as reassuring."I'll come right back for you," he says."Shouldn't take more than a minute or two."

You push yourself against the wall and nod."I understand," you sign."Go ahead."

"Thanks," he says, smiling again."Don't worry, I'll be right back."With that, he finds a switch, presses it, and leaves.

You pull your legs close to your chest and try not to panic.It's not like you had any right to say no, anyway, but you don't know what happens if the other monsters find you like this while he's gone and you want to, but you're not sure you really believe he's coming back.

Before you get a chance to really panic over it, though, Asriel pops through a hole in the wall and falls face first on the leaves.He groans loudly, shakes the twigs out of his fur, and runs into the next room.

This happens again a few minutes later.

And again.

"This time for sure!" he yells the third time, as he runs back to the puzzle's entrance.This time, he's gone for just a bit longer, before he finally returns through the door and triumphantly announces, "Okay!Got it!"He jogs over to you and helps you up again, pulling you along through the puzzle."This is the last puzzle," he tells you."We're almost there."

You limp next to him past an old, bare tree towards a little house built into the wall of the cavern."Is this your home?" you ask Asriel.You can't help but be a little surprised.It looks so cozy...

"Yeah!" Asriel answers enthusiastically, and pulls you toward the door.As the two of you approach, the front door opens from the inside and thaaaaat is a big monster.

You freeze, and Asriel calls out to the big monster, "Hi Mom!"

You find yourself laughing.It's funny, isn't it?You thought this little monster was just kind of how monsters _are_ but nooope, he's a baby cub and that's his momma bear and you- you messed with her cub and are definitely going to die now.

"Asriel...?" the big monster approaches cautiously, staring at you with wide eyes, and you push at Asriel to back away but he holds firm."Who is this?" she asks.

"This is Chara," Asriel replies unperturbed."I found them out at the weird hole.They're hurt."

Somehow the most important thing to your brain for a second is the pronouns he just used for you.That sounded really nice?Why did he do that, though?Then his mother takes another step towards you and it's all fight or flight from there.

You shove Asriel, just enough to get him to let go, and fall on your butt next to him.

"Hey!" Asriel says, kind of irked but seeming more confused than anything else.You don't think you hurt him.That's good.

Asriel's mother stops him before he can run over to you and kneels to put a hand on his shoulder."Stay behind me for a second, alright?" she says.

You try to back away, scooting awkwardly on your butt and dragging your broken leg behind you.

"How come?" Asriel asks, standing behind his mother with an expression of pure _pout_ on his face.

Asriel's mother crouches to get a better look at you.She just stares for a good ten seconds before saying anything at all, but finally decides, "Do not be afraid, little one.I will not harm you."

Your laughter returns without you really asking it to, and you try to stop it.This is not an appropriate time for laughter.It keeps bursting out of your throat anyway just to spite you.You take your weight off one hand and, shaking, sign, "I'm sorry."

Asriel's mother stares at you, confused and suspicious.You see movement behind her and look up to see an even bigger monster towering over you.

"What is all this commoti- is that a human?" he says.

Asriel looks up at him in surprise."What?"

"Go inside, please, Asriel," says his mother.The bigger monster takes Asriel by the hand and pulls him reluctantly indoors.

Your cheeks feel wet.Are you crying?You can't stop laughing.Your back hits the tree you'd passed, and you raise your hands to sign, "Please don't kill me."

The monster settles into a sitting position and signs back to you, "It's alright.I won't hurt you.You're safe."

It takes you a second to process the signs - you've always been faster at talking than listening - and by the time you do she's standing up and walking over to you.You freeze, your laughter finally cutting off as you swallow and stare back up at her.

"I'm going to bring you inside, okay?" she signs.You nod helplessly and force yourself not to struggle when she gently picks you up and carries you into the house.

You hear voices in the room to your left, but she carries you the other way and pushes open another door.Before you know it you're being placed on a bed and she's sitting down next to you."My name is Toriel," she signs."My son told me your name is Chara.Is that right?"

You nod.

"Is your leg hurt?" she asks.

You nod.

"May I see it?"

You swallow nervously and pull up the pant leg on your injured leg.Toriel helps you pull it up and gently takes your leg in her hand.God, you look so small next to her.It would only take a couple of fingers for her to snap your leg clean off, and you have no recourse and nowhere to run and...

Toriel rests your leg back on the bed and signs, "I have some magic that may help.Is it okay with you if I try?"

You nod, wondering idly why she bothered to ask.She takes your leg in her hand again and it starts glowing a sickly green color.You shut your eyes and look away, feeling your bone shift under the skin and trying not to puke.

It's over before you know it, though.Toriel puts your leg down again and signs, "There we go.How does that feel?"

You wiggle your foot a little and examine your leg for a minute before signing, "Much better.Thank you."

Toriel smiles, and you scoot backward on the bed so you can sign at her a little more comfortably."I'm sorry," you tell her nervously."I know humans aren't supposed to be here."You wipe your face with your sleeve.You think you've stopped crying now, but your face was still uncomfortably wet."Thank you for helping me.Should I leave now?" you ask. _Will you let me leave now,_ is the unspoken question behind it.

Toriel shakes her head no."The opening back to the surface is a long way from here," she tells you."I will not ask you to make the journey alone."

You can't help but stare at her for a minute.She smiles back at you, but her expression is kind of tense and you're not sure she really means it.

"Please wait here a moment," she signs after a minute."I'm going to go speak with my family."

You want to stop her - you have so many questions, even if you can't really articulate them right now - but that would be rude and the last thing you want is to make her angry, so you nod and she exits the room.

At first, you don't move from the spot on the bed where she'd left you, but you can _almost_ hear voices through the door and you want to know what they're saying, so you stand and tiptoe over to it.

"But Moooom!"Asriel's voice."I know they're human, but they didn't even try to hurt me!They're not dangerous."

"You are probably right," says Toriel, "but still, we need to be careful."

You swallow.Part of you wants to check the doorknob to see if it's locked, but you think if it was, you wouldn't want to know.You'd rather pretend you could leave if you wanted to.

"Your mother is right," says the other monster.Even if they do not _want_ to hurt anyone, they may not realize the harm they are capable of causing."

"But they're scared of us," Asriel objects.

"That makes them _more_ dangerous, son, not less."

Asriel grumbles angrily before speaking again, suddenly louder."Well they're not scared of ME!" he says."So that means you _have_ to let me see them!'Cause then they won't be so scared!"

Toriel laughs, you think."Perhaps," she says."But I believe it is best to wait a little bit.And when you do, make sure one of us is with you, alright?Just in case."

"Fine," Asriel grumbles.

"Tell you what," says Toriel."Why don't we make a pie together?I think that will help them feel better."

Whatever Asriel's answer is, he says it from the next room and you can't make it out.You look down - your fingers dug into your sweater at some point.You try to keep your breathing quiet.This isn't the first time you've been called dangerous.You know what it means.You know what happens next.

Instinctively, your fingers reach out to the doorknob.Is it locked?You turn it quietly, and it clicks open.

You let it open a crack and peek out into the hallway.You don't see anyone.Should you run?You should run, right?Now, while you still can.This might be your only chance to escape before they lock you up for good.

You need to run.The only problem is, your legs refuse to move.

You shut the door, and turn around and lean against it.You let yourself sink to the ground, hug yourself by your arms, and stop trying to pretend you aren't scared.Even if you did run, you rationalize, they'd find you, or another monster would who wouldn't be so merciful.Locked up for the rest of your life is better than dead, right?

Except it might not be, depending on what 'locked up' looks like.

You know that.

You bury your face in your knees and make sure you're not crying audibly.Maybe it'll be okay.Maybe if you behave, it'll be kind of nice actually and you can pretend you're staying by choice.They haven't hit you _yet_ , so maybe... maybe if you're good, they won't.And Asriel really sounded like he meant everything he said just now, and you don't think they'd hurt you in front of him at least, so maybe you can stay near him and things will be okay.

It's a lot of maybes, but it's better than the certainty of death that waits for you outside.

You feel for the knife in your pocket - still there.If it goes bad - if you end up wishing you'd made the other choice - well...

They're not the only ones who can kill you.

A familiar itch starts to manifest in your arms, but you try to ignore it.You're not sure how long you have alone and you can't risk them discovering your knife, not when it could be your only ticket out.You wipe your eyes on your sleeve and rest your head against the door, scratching at your scars with your fingernails even though you know it won't help.

You miss home.

Except, no, you don't.You're homesick, but not for home.For somewhere that doesn't even exist.Somewhere you've never even _been_.You dig your fingernails as far into your arm as they'll go.You don't know what you wanted, besides 'out,' but you hoped it would at least be different.Now, though, you almost wish you were back there.At least then you knew what to expect.At least then you had a script to follow.

There's a knock at the door and you're standing before you even register it.The door clicks as it starts to open and you hurry back to the bed so you can pretend you weren't eavesdropping, sitting on it with your hands on your knees.The big monster peers into the room and signs, "Do you mind if I come in?"

 _Would it matter if I did?_ you want to ask."Sure," you sign instead.The monster enters and gently closes the door behind him, and you silently remark to yourself at how strange it is that all three of these people know sign.

"Are you hungry?" signs the monster, and you notice that he's holding a bowl.You can't see the contents, but you inhale and smell something like chicken.Your stomach reacts to the smell by telling you with no uncertainty that yes, you are very hungry.

You shrug, not wanting to lie but also afraid of acting gluttonous and making him upset."I'm okay," you sign, and you are - you've gone longer without food.

The monster approaches and you have to crane your neck to keep looking up at him.You force yourself to say still.He crouches in front of your spot on the bed and hands you the bowl.You take it carefully, struggling a little not to spill and surprised by the weight of it.You look inside and - wow, that's a lot of soup.

You look back up at the monster - this isn't some kind of weird trick, or test, is it?You won't get in trouble for eating this, right?The monster smiles at you and stands, heading back to the door."I'll be back in a minute," he signs, and leaves.

You look back down at the food and silently weigh your options before quickly deciding that even if you did get in trouble for this it would be worth it.You eat as quickly and quietly as you can, not so much as pausing for breath, and it tastes wonderful but by the time the bowl is empty you're a little sick to your stomach.For a second you wonder if you should bring the bowl to the kitchen and clean it, but that's where Asriel is and you're pretty sure they don't want you around him.Instead you place the bowl gently on the nightstand and go back to where you were sitting.That big monster said he'd come right back, anyway, you're pretty sure you should be here when he does.

Well, _if_ he does.You glance back up at the door, wondering if he locked it this time.Though, now that you think about it, you're not even sure that door has a lock on it.You stare at your hands in your lap and try not to think too hard about this - you don't know how long you have and you don't want him to find you _crying_ when he gets back.Breathe.

Maybe he went to find something to tie you up with.If the door doesn't lock, that would make the most sense, right?You guess he's having trouble finding something - the house didn't seem that big from what little you saw of it, but this doesn't seem like the kind of family to need rope on a regular basis.You look around the room and try to get your bearings a little.It's a nice room.There's a desk over by the door, and a little bucket of... something, and a plant in the corner - oh, that's a cactus.It looks well-taken-care-of. 

_Breathe._ You know different people have different ideas of what to do with dangerous kids.From what you've seen so far, you're pretty sure these people aren't going to kill you, at least not right away.That still leaves a lot of different possibilities, though.There's no closet in here, or any furniture big enough to keep you in, and you're grateful for that.You aren't sure what other options are actually realistic, and which ones are just you scaring yourself or wishful thinking.They healed your leg - they wouldn't do that if they didn't already have some kind of plan, right?And... and they wouldn't do that if they wanted you to hurt... right?

Whatever they do, you hope they'll let you go to the bathroom first.That doesn't seem too unrealistic - they let you eat first, after all - but maybe it's not something they've thought about.Should you ask?You aren't sure.You remark to yourself silently that they sure figured it out quick - that you're dangerous.You aren't sure how they knew; you would've expected to have more time.Maybe they can smell it on you, or maybe it's in your eyes or something if you know what to look for.You stare at your knees. 

It's _okay_ , you tell yourself.You'll be okay.These people may be monsters, but they're not mean and you don't think they'll hurt you if you don't give them a reason to.You just have to be good, and things will be okay.

Maybe that's just wishful thinking, but you have to believe it right now.You have to believe you aren't going to _die_ , because if you start believing that you won't be able to keep yourself from acting out and doing something stupid, and then the monsters will _have_ a reason to hurt you. 

Breathe.

The door opens and you look up to see the big monster again.He's holding something you can't get a good look at, and you grip your hands together with white knuckles.Is it rope?Or something worse?

"May I use the restroom?" you sign, and immediately realize that you shouldn't have started with that, you should've thanked him for the food and waited to see what he wanted and maybe it wasn't a good idea to ask at all, but the monster doesn't look angry at first so you wait to see what he says.

"Of course," he signs, to your surprise."In fact," he adds, handing you the bundle in his arms, which you now realize is clothes - _soft_ clothes."I brought these for you," he signs, "since your clothes are a little dirty." 

That's an understatement, you think, but you don't point it out.

"You are welcome to use the shower as well, if you like," he adds.

"Thank you," you sign dumbly, staring at the clothes in your lap.They... they're being awfully kind.You wonder if this is the extent of their plan - convince you to stay put by choice until they can figure out something more permanent.If that's the case, _all_ of this could be an act and it won't matter at all once they get whatever it is they're waiting for and-

"Are you alright?" the monster signs, startling you out of your thoughts.

You nod quickly."Thank you," you sign again, standing up."Where is the bathroom?"

The monster smiles and stands, gesturing for you to follow him, which you do.You keep your head down on the way, and focus on not making too much noise or bumping into him.He leads you down the hall to a small bathroom, lets you go in ahead of him, and closes the door after you.You turn around and examine the knob - this one does lock, but from the inside.You lock it.You kind of think that's a bad idea, but you do.

You place the clean clothes neatly on the counter and strip, cringing a little at all the dirt that falls out of your clothes as you take them off.You must have been leaving a trail this whole time; that's going to be a pain to clean.You take the knife out of your pocket and slip it into the pocket of the clean clothes the monster gave you, observing them more closely while you're at it - they're probably Asriel's; they look about his size.It's not a straightjacket, anyway, but you think those are really hard to get ahold of anyway so you're not really surprised.There's a cozy-looking green sweater and a pair of long black pants.You put it back down - you shouldn't be touching it with your hands until you're clean.

Your eyes trace the corner of the bathroom mirror on your way into the shower, but you don't look at your reflection.You climb into the bathtub and start the water running, careful not to make it _too_ warm, you don't want to use all of the hot water.You take some time scrubbing the dirt out of your hair and watching it run down the drain.You hope you're not going to clog it.

There's a gallon-sized bottle of shampoo on the floor of the bathtub, and you decide it won't be missed if you squirt out just a little to wash your hair with.It smells nice.Not really _like_ anything in particular, besides shampoo you guess, but it smells nice.After a moment's hesitation, you turn your attention to all of the scrapes on your legs.You sit on the floor of the bathtub and try to clean them out.It stings, but you don't think any of them were infected yet and if you can, you want to keep it that way.You stare contemplatively at the shampoo bottle.It's not exactly _antiseptic_ , but...

You don't give yourself time to think about it; you take another little squirt of shampoo and rub it over the cuts on your legs, wincing against the pain that follows.You give yourself a second to breathe and repeat the process with your arms (which aren't so bad, since you were wearing long sleeves and they didn't get so much dirt in them.)

You stand up again, starting to feel vaguely clean, and rinse yourself off one more time before turning off the water.You shiver a little when you step outside of the shower and suddenly realize you have no idea which towel it's okay to use.

You stand in the middle of the bathroom, soaking wet and paralyzed by indecision and fear, for what feels like a good five or ten minutes.When your legs agree to move again, you count the towels on the racks - four, one more than the number of people who live here (you think).You smell each of them in turn to try to figure out which ones have been used but your nose is so full of the shampoo scent that you can't tell.How could you be so _stupid_ , not asking before you came in here.You can't put on the new clothes without drying off, you'd get their whole house wet, and you can't just pick one and use it, what if you make the wrong choice and they get upset?You feel your face start to get hot and try not to let it.

You pick one and dry off before you can give yourself a chance to think about it.You don't usually subscribe to the adage 'better to ask forgiveness than permission,' but in this case you'll have to make an exception.You dry off, use the toilet, and dress as quickly as you can - you've already wasted far too much time on this - and gather up your dirty clothes into a gross little bundle of fabric and dirt.

You hold the bundle to your chest and go to open the door, remember you locked it, and turn the lock to open it for real.You hesitate for a second at the open doorway, thinking about whether you should bring the towel you used, but decide against it and pad barefoot into the hallway.

You find the big monster in the living room, sitting at the table with a cup of tea.He smiles when he sees you and stands, walking over to greet you.You shift your dirty clothes under an armpit and quickly explain, "I didn't know which towel to use so I just picked a random one, I'm sorry."

The monster hesitates, looking surprised, before he kneels to sign at you."It's quite alright," he tells you."Which one did you use?"

"The one closest to the shower," you tell him."I left it on the counter.I'm sorry."

"It's alright," he repeats, and you start to feel more confident in your theory that all of this is to convince you to stay of your own will until they figure out what to do with you.You swallow and nod, silently adding this to the tally of Things You're Probably Paying For Later.

The monster gestures for you to follow him down the hallway, and you do.He takes the towel you used out of the bathroom and leads you to a laundry room, where he takes the clothes from your hands and starts throwing them into the washing machine.He checks the pockets first, and you have a moment of panic before you check for your knife in the pocket of your new clothes - still there.

When he turns back to you after starting the machine, you have to be careful not to flinch.He kneels again so you can see him without craning your neck way up, and signs, "How are you feeling?"

"Better," you sign, and then, "What is your name?"

"Oh!I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself," he signs, laughing nervously."My name is Asgore."

"It's nice to meet you," you tell him, feeling for all the world like if you just keep your hands moving everything will be okay."My name is Chara.Thank you, for... for the food, and the clothes, and for helping me.I'm sorry."

Asgore settles more comfortably on the floor and signs, "Sorry for what?"

Isn't it obvious?You look down at your hands, trying to think of how to phrase it."For coming here," you decide."I know humans aren't supposed to be here and I lied to Asriel so he'd think I was a monster like you, and I forgot to ask which towel to use, and I've been getting dirt all over your house, and I don't know why you're helping me but you wouldn't have to if I wasn't here so..."

"Child, please," he interrupts, and you stop dead and look back at him."It's alright," he tells you."You've done nothing wrong."

You wipe your face with your sleeve, embarrassed."I'm sorry," you repeat, because it's rude to cry in front of other people.

Asgore sighs and stands up again, gesturing for you to follow him.He brings you back to the bedroom you were in before, sits down on the bed and pats the space next to him as an invitation.You shut the door behind you and follow him, sitting carefully about a foot away from him on the bed.

"There are a couple of things I want to ask you," Asgore signs, "but you don't have to answer, alright?"'Don't have to answer.'Right.That's a trap if you've ever seen one.

You nod anyway, preparing yourself to come up with some lies _real_ fast if you need to.

"Why did you come here?" is his first question, and it catches you off-guard.At your hesitation, he elaborates."You are not in trouble for it," he reiterates, "but if you thought you would be, and if you understood the danger you were putting yourself in, why did you come?"

You look at your hands for a second and sigh.This isn't worth lying about."Travelers who climb Mt. Ebott are said to disappear," you sign.

"Exactly," says Asgore."Why would you ever climb a mountain like that?"

You blink a couple times and, frustrated, sign, "That IS why."

Asgore recoils a bit, wearing an expression you can't read.

You swallow, starting to think you made the wrong choice by telling him this.It's too late to back down, though.You elaborate, since you still don't really think he understands, "I knew it would be better for everyone if I was gone."This simple statement of fact prompts Asgore to cover his mouth in shock.You look down in shame as you finish, "So I left.I didn't know where else to go.I'm sorry.I didn't realize I would just be dumping my problems on someone else by coming here."

You keep your head down while Asgore thinks, less ashamed than you ought to be of the half-truth you've just given him.Your real reason was a lot more selfish than that - you didn't want to be in everyone's hair, sure, but they were perfectly willing to put up with you as long as you behaved.Your problem was that you didn't _want_ to behave anymore.You wanted to find out what snow feels like if you touch it with your bare hands, and you wanted to run as fast as you could, and you wanted to yell as loud as you could even if you couldn't shape your voice into the sound it's supposed to make.You wanted to go somewhere you could just _be_ without having to worry about what other people thought of you, whether you were causing a nuisance, whether you were being rude.You wanted to experience some modicum of _freedom_ , to never be locked up again for the rest of your life, even if the rest of your life was just a couple days.

Look where that got you.

You feel a hand on your shoulder and startle out of your thoughts.Asgore retracts his hand like he's touched a flame, watching your face carefully, and you try to read his expression but all of this is so far out of your understanding that you're not even sure how to start interpreting it.Finally, he signs, "Can I hug you?"

You blink, growing ever more confused, but you're in no position to refuse so you nod, and he wraps you in his arms so completely you can't tell which way is up, and you aren't sure where you are, and it doesn't hurt, he's being _so_ gentle, but you can't _move_ and it takes everything you have not to push him away.

He lets you go of his own accord, and you try to pretend that you just had a normal reaction to being hugged, which you think is feeling like you're safe and cared for.You smile at him - that's something you know how to do - but your hands waver too much to sign anything comprehensible.

Asgore wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, and you let yourself breathe for a minute while he composes himself, not looking at you.As much as you don't understand his reaction, you feel a little guilty for causing it - this big, imposing, _composed_ monster on the verge of tears because of you.You're reminded of Sarah, the Deaf girl in your class, and how she reacted when you told her you weren't allowed to visit her house anymore because your parents found out she'd been teaching you sign.

You look at your hands.At this point, you're pretty sure the monsters think you're Deaf.That's not a lie you can keep up forever, you should tell them, but you can't stand the thought of being forced to speak when you _know_ they could still understand if you didn't.

You know you'll be in trouble for it, when they find out, and it'll be easier if you just tell them, but you can't bring yourself to do that.

When Asgore finishes composing himself, he signs, "I want you to know that you're safe here.Nobody here is going to hurt you, and nobody here is upset with you for coming.I..." he hesitates, but signs, "I am _glad_ you came here.I am happy to know that you are somewhere safe."

It seems like something he's saying to try to convince you that this place is _great_ and _perfect_ in every way, and you wonder how long it'll take you to see the cracks.When will they drop the act?If you _asked_ them to quit pretending, would they?You take a deep breath and decide it doesn't matter.For now you'd rather pretend.

"Thank you," you sign.

Asgore smiles."Do you have any food allergies?" he asks, and you, surprised, shake your head no."Good," he replies, and looks back at the doorway, thinking, for a second before he asks, "Are you tired?"

You don't know how to answer that question, regardless of what the truth is, so you just shrug. 

Asgore offers a sad smile and signs, "Why don't you get some rest?I will be right outside if you need anything."

You don't really think you're tired enough to sleep, but you know an 'I don't want to deal with you right now' when you see one, so you nod and watch as he exits and closes the door behind him.

You wonder how long you have.

For right now at least, if he expects you to sleep, you're guessing you have at least half an hour before he comes back.You feel for the knife in your pocket - still there.Can you afford to use it now?You examine the cloth of the sweater they gave you.If you bleed, it'll stain, and they'll know.You look around the room and find a box of tissues - maybe you can use this?Would they notice if any went missing?You pull the knife out of your pocket and stare at the blade, contemplatively running your thumb over the edge.The itch becomes palpable now that you're considering it.

You bring the tissue box over to the bed with you and curl up by the wall.You roll up one sleeve and hold your arm securely between your legs, and hold your knife like a pencil over a space between two scars.You press down, barely enough to break the skin, and watch as a tiny trickle of blood runs out of you and down along the blade.You drag the knife across your skin, with constant pressure, and let out a breath as the pain brings a familiar sense of relief.

You grab a tissue and press it over the wound, waiting for it to soak up the blood.You hope the monsters won't notice if you leave bloody tissues in the garbage.If they ask you can tell them you had a nosebleed - that lie has saved your butt more than once.You make two more little cuts before you hear footsteps coming toward you down the hall.

You quickly wipe the blood off your knife, shut it, pocket it and carefully pull your sleeve back over the cuts, tissues still in place, and lie on your side facing the wall.The footsteps pass by harmlessly, and you breathe a sigh of relief before double-checking that the tissues stayed in place and your blood won't leak into the sleeves.

You don't really feel like sitting up again just yet, so you just lie there and idly pick at the cuts on your arms.You hope this place won't be too different once they get whatever it is they're waiting for.You're not very good at reading people, but you think they still see you as a _person_ and not just a liability, even though they know you're dangerous, so maybe they'll keep being nice.You think about Asriel - you hope you'll get to see him again.You wonder if he'll feel differently about you now, though, now that he knows what you are.

You wonder what's going to happen to you.

You don't _think_ they'll kill you, but that might just be wishful thinking and honestly, you wouldn't really blame them if they did.You're not supposed to _be_ here, anyway, and no amount of apologizing or making yourself small or being nice or _behaving_ will make up for that.Not really.You roll onto your back and stare at the ceiling and wonder if they'll let you leave, if you promise never to come back.

Toriel said there was an opening back to the surface.Maybe if you made it there, the monsters wouldn't follow you, and you could stay on the mountain (where the humans wouldn't follow you) and have the little adventure you wanted before you die.

But deep down, you know you don't deserve it.

You hear voices out in the hallway again and silently climb off of the bed and walk over to the door. 

"How is Asriel?" Asgore's voice.

"I finally got him to sleep," replies an exhausted Toriel."And Chara?"

"They're resting, I believe."

"Did you ask them?"

Asgore hesitates, and when he speaks there's something in his voice you can't place."I asked why they climbed the mountain."

"...And?"

"Toriel..."You hear him take a breath, slow and controlled, before he continues."They came here to kill themself."

You sit down quietly against the door.That's one way of putting it, you guess.You listen for Toriel's reaction, but you don't hear anything.

"They did not tell me much..." Asgore continues."I thought it was best not to push them.But... I cannot in good conscience ask them to leave.Not if the place they came from is so... so _horrible_ that they felt the need to..."

He trails off, and you think you hear Toriel sigh."What other options are there?"

"We could keep them here."

"And risk the others coming to look for them?"

After a second, "I don't think that's going to happen," Asgore breathes."At the very least, I'm sure Chara doesn't think it will."

The two of them take a collective moment to think, and you pull your knees to your chest.You're listening with your heart in your throat, but you don't even know what it is you're hoping for.

"I don't know what to do," Asgore says, and he sounds so defeated and sad, and you don't understand why they're so upset and worried over you but you can't...

You don't know what you could possibly have done to keep this from happening.

"Did you ask if they wanted to stay?" asks Toriel, and Asgore doesn't answer audibly but you doubt he lies to her."Perhaps we should talk this over with them," Toriel continues, "once they wake up."

"Would it be _safe_ ," asks Asgore, "to keep them here?"He sighs."After all the people we lost to the last human who came here..."

"We have nothing to fear from that child," says Toriel, but the words hang in the air like a bad scent and everyone who hears it knows it isn't true.You grip at your sleeves and try to focus on being quiet.You can't be caught eavesdropping, not on a conversation like this.

"I am going to speak to Gerson," says Asgore."We can...If nothing else, we can keep an eye on them until we have some level of certainty..."

"Yes, that is probably for the best."Toriel hesitates for a bit before continuing."Be careful not to scare them, alright?"

Asgore laughs softly."I know," he says.

You stare at your hands, no longer hearing them, and you think you're starting to understand.You don't think they want to hurt you, but more than that they don't want _you_ to hurt _them,_ and you think if it takes killing you, they'll kill you.

You wouldn't blame them.

You bit your father, once.That was when he figured it out, that you're dangerous.Nothing was the same after that - no matter how 'good' you tried to be, no matter how well you behaved, no matter how much you never wanted to hurt him, things could never be the same.

You shoved Asriel when you got here.You don't think you hurt him, but you didn't get a chance to ask him about it and you hope... God, you hope you didn't hurt him.

Toriel and Asgore aren't in the hallway anymore.You stand and walk over to the desk, eyeing the journal sitting in the center of it.These people are nice, but they don't know how to deal with dangerous kids, and they can't afford to take you in.You would end up hurting them, or they'd have to kill you before you could.You stare down at the green sleeves of the sweater they gave you.They've only known you for half a day, and you're already so indebted to them.

Tears well up in your eyes, but you push them back.You open the journal to a random blank page and write, 'Thank you.I'm sorry.'You click the door open as quietly as you can and sneak out into the hallway.You find your shoes by the front door.(You don't remember putting them there - did Asgore?They must have been with your clothes, so he must've done that.You can't believe you didn't notice.)

You feel a draft coming from the basement - it's cold.There must be another way out down there; it's probably your best bet; they'd expect you to leave through the front door.You descend carefully and find a big purple door.You push it open.

Snow greets you, and you smile in the face of it.Cold air fills your lungs and again you feel the quiet rush of _freedom_.You start off down the path, hoping to get some distance on them before they realize you're gone, and feel for the knife in your pocket - still there.


	2. Chapter 2

The caverns you walk into are just as inhabited as the mountain above them, which is to say, they aren't.By the time you make it out of the snowy fields and into a waterlogged passageway, you're pretty sure the area in front of that cozy house is the only part of this giant cave the monsters deemed livable.It makes sense, you guess, if none of the monsters can survive the cold very well.

you're not about to freeze to death anytime soon, but you're still glad for the comparatively warm climate that follows.The walls are lined with glowing rock, and the plants glow and shift and whisper to each-other in waves of echos.You poke a flower out of curiosity and it whispers something to you, but the phrase has been so garbled by time that you can't make out the words.You walk through a passageway where the condensation drips from the ceiling so quickly it almost feels like rain, and through a room so dark you have to slam your palms into the rocks to get them glowing and run to the next-closest outcropping, and always beside you is the comforting presence of the river.

When your legs ache too much to keep walking, you find a secluded branch of the cave and crawl into it.You curl up in a you-sized corner and close your eyes.

"Chara?Chaaaraaa!"

You stir awake slowly at the voice, which continues to call your name as it approaches along the main path of the cave.It's Asriel's voice, and you wonder if his parents are with him.(His parents think you're Deaf, though, right?)You push yourself upright and rub your eyes, letting yourself yawn before standing to peer around the corner.

Asriel is there.He hasn't seen you yet, but he's alone.You wonder what he's doing here.Did he run away to look for you?You hope not, it isn't safe out here and you don't want him to get hurt.

"Chaaraa!" Asriel calls again, and whether or not he came with his parents knowing, he's looking for you, so you take a breath and step out where he can see you."Chara!" he exclaims, excitedly running over to you."There you are!!What happened?Are you okay?"

Still waking up, you try to process what he said.Are you _okay_?Why does he care about that?You raise your hands to sign, "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you!" Asriel exclaims angrily."We woke up and you were gone and we found the note you left and Dad said you must've come out this way and everyone's _really worried_ about you."He pauses and rests his hands on his knees to catch his breath."Why did you leave?" he asks.

You aren't sure how to answer him.You aren't sure you could even explain to _yourself_ why you left, but at the same time it feels so obvious...You take a breath and sign, "I can't stay _forever_.I didn't want to make so much trouble for everyone over nothing."

"What are you _talking_ about?" Asriel replies, wrinkling his nose at you."If you can't stay, we'll help you get home!And... and why can't you, anyway?Do you _want_ to?"

"It doesn't matter what I want," you sign, and Asriel's expression hardens.

"Yes it does!" he yells, and you can't help but flinch."You're the one who got separated from your family and ended up here alone!This hasn't hurt _any_ of us as much as it's hurt you!"

You start to ask what difference that makes, but he keeps going.

"We want to help you! _I_ want to help you!So don't worry about how much trouble it is, okay?"He smiles as he finishes and reaches out a hand."Come on, let's go back together."

"You don't understand," your hands say without you really telling them to."You really don't understand at all, do you?It doesn't matter what I want because if I just do what I _want_ I'll end up hurting you."

Asriel retracts his hand, expression softening into concern."Why do you say that?" he asks.

"I always do," you reply."I don't want to hurt you, Asriel.Please just go."

Asriel looks down, frustrated, before returning his attention to you."If you don't want to hurt me," he says, "then you can't possibly hurt me by doing what you want!That wouldn't even make sense!"He crosses his arms to emphasize his point, like there's no possible way you could argue with that.

And, well, you _could_ , but you don't want to.You sigh, staring down at your hands and half hoping they'll just move on their own and tell him what you need to.Failing that, you take a breath and force the words into them."I'm dangerous," you sign."Your parents know that already.I heard them talking last night and they don't know what to do with me because they know if you keep me around you'll get hurt, but they didn't want to make me leave."You take a deep breath, not looking at Asriel, and finish."If you bring me back, they won't have any choice but to lock me up."

You look back at him, and he stares at you with an expression you can't really read."We... we're not gonna hurt you, Chara."

"I know you don't _want_ to," you sign quickly, "but you'll _have_ to if I stay."You wipe your face with your sleeve, trying to push back your tears before they start to be visible."Please just let me go," you sign.

Asriel is quiet for a second before petulantly declaring, "Well _I_ won't!Not ever!And, and if Mom and Dad really try to, I'll stop them!"He glances nervously behind him for a second before continuing, "I really don't think they'd do something like that, though."

"You don't understand," you repeat.You look at the ground, take a breath, and try to focus.He's not going to be convinced with _words_...

You take a step forward and roll up your sleeves, holding out your arms to show him your scars, new and old.

He takes a step back, covering his mouth."Oh my god," he mutters, "what happened?Are you okay?!"

"I did this," you tell him."On purpose."You roll your sleeves back down and try to keep your breathing steady."You see?I can't... You can't trust me."You keep your eyes on the ground as you sign, and it's a long time before you hear anything else.

"I don't know what that's supposed to prove," Asriel says finally, "but it doesn't change my mind."

You clench your fists at your sides and keep your head down, completely out of arguments you can make.

"I know you're scared..." says Asriel, "But it's going to be okay.Nobody's gonna hurt you, and... and if they do, I'll beat them up!Okay?"

You let out a laugh - an ugly little thing you can't cover with your hands soon enough."You won't," you sign."You _shouldn't,_ anyway."

Asriel makes a frustrated little noise, and you think he's about to say something else when there's another voice behind him.

"Prince Asriel!"

 _Prince?_ Asriel turns to look at the voice and you take a step backward.There's a small group of monsters running up behind him - none of them as big as Toriel or Asgore, but all of them much bigger than you or him.You swallow and get another foot of distance between you and Asriel.

"Hang on," he says to the approaching monsters."Wait!"

The monsters don't stop until they're less than six feet away from him, and he glances nervously between you and them.The monster at the front of the group speaks."There you are!You have your parents worried _sick,_ young ma..." the monster cuts herself short, staring openly at you."Oh, you found them," she says.

"You guys have to go back," Asriel says."They don't want to come back yet, you're gonna scare them."

"I'm sorry Asriel but I really could not care less about _scaring_ the human."

You swallow and take another step back. 

The monster continues, "Come on, let's get you home."She turns to the other monsters with her and adds, "You two keep an eye on the human, alright?"

"Their name is Chara!" Asriel says indignantly."And, and you'd better leave them alone!"

If he says anything else after that, you don't hear it because the two other monsters are approaching you and you're too busy deciding which direction to run to listen to him.You turn heel and run away from them, blood racing in your ears.

"Ow- Let go!" Asriel's voice.

You shouldn't, but you stop in your tracks and give the other monsters time to catch up to you.You turn and look at them - a tall bunny monster and a slightly shorter lizard monster, and behind them the monster in charge is holding Asriel by the wrists and he's yelling at her and you're running back toward him before you know what you're doing.

The bunny monster tries to grab you, but you dodge easily and sprint until you can slam into the monster in charge and stand so you're between her and Asriel.

"Ch- Chara?" he says behind you, and when you look down you realize you're holding your knife, blade out, pointed at the head monster.

It's too late to play this off as a mistake, so you double down and take one hand off the handle long enough to sign, "Leave him alone."

The monster takes a second to compose herself, staring angrily down at you while the others come running back toward you."You get the hell away from him," she says, and you step backward, nudging him a little.

You turn, just enough to look at him, and sign, "Go."

"I'm not leaving you," Prince Asriel replies without even stopping to think about it.

You grumble to yourself silently, staring again at the monster in front of you.

"I don't wanna hurt you, kid," says the head monster, "but I will if I have to.Drop your weapon.Now."

Against your better judgement, and just about everything else, you reply, "Make me."

"Kikili," she says, not taking her eyes off you, "Get behind them."

The bunny monster - Kikili, you guess - does as she said and circles around you - too far to stab, close enough to be a threat, and you turn, keeping a hand out to protect Asriel even as you have to back into the wall of the cave to see all three of them at one.

Asriel steps back politely when you nudge him to, and you can hear him breathing quickly."Guys," he says, "come on, we don't have to fight."

Nobody listens to him.The monsters spread out so each is equally far away from the next, and you can't attack any of them without leaving Asriel vulnerable so all you can do is stay put and wait for them to move.

"Quit it!"Suddenly a wall of flame erupts around you and Asriel, apparently the source of it, yells out to the other monsters, "Leave us alone!Chara's not hurting anyone!"He's standing at your side now, a hand protectively placed between the monsters and _you_ , and it feels so wrong, you can't let him protect you, but his magic is all that's keeping them away and...

"Look at them!" yells the lizard monster."They're the one with a damn knife out - you really think they don't mean to hurt someone with it?"

Your hands shake.Asriel speaks to your defense, "They're just trying to protect me!They thought you were gonna hurt me so just go back and-"

"That's enough."The head monster waves a hand and generates a wave of water to douse Asriel's flame.She walks calmly up to you and Asriel until she's just _barely_ out of stabbing range, and produces a magical weapon of her own - a spear.

It's at your throat before you have time to react.You freeze, staring up at her with wide eyes, and you feel Asriel move next to you.

"Drop it," says the monster, and you, hands shaking, comply.She kicks the knife away from you.

"Leave them alone," Asriel protests weakly, more than a little fear in his voice.

"You know I can't do that, Asriel," replies the monster."Turn around," she says to you.

They're gonna kill you.They're gonna kill you right in front of Asriel, and he's gonna be traumatized for the rest of his life because there's nothing he can do to protect you now.You should have run.You should've gotten away while you could.

The spear goes a little closer to your neck and you do as she said, lowering your hands to your sides as you do.

"Kikili, help me tie them up."Ryna, keep an eye on the prince."

You don't resist, as much as you want to, because you're outnumbered and out-positioned and there's some chance they'll let you live if you behave.Your face gets hot and tears threaten, but you don't let them fall.Kikili and the head monster tie your hands behind your back and pull you away from the wall.You keep your head down, even when you see Asriel's feet, because you can't bring yourself to look him in the eye after failing so miserably to protect him.

A shove at your shoulder informs you that it's time to start walking, and you march obediently along the path.Asriel runs to catch up and falls into step next to you, feet shuffling nervously.You hazard a glance at him and see that he's looking behind him, expression tense.You look back at your feet quickly when he turns in your direction.

"You didn't have to tie them up," Asriel pouts on your behalf."They can't speak, you should at least let them sign."

"I'm not interested in what they have to say," says the head monster."We can worry about that when we get back to the castle."

Asriel makes a noise like he wants to protest, but he doesn't.You don't know why he's pretending he didn't hear you speak already - you know he did - but you're still glad.

You keep your head down and silently ridicule yourself for letting this happen.You've gotten yourself captured and lost your knife for nothing - Asriel isn't any safer now than he was before you intervened.He hasn't sounded distressed, not about his _own_ safety, since then, though, but you think that's because while the monsters probably won't hurt him, not much, since he's an actual, literal, _prince_.But you - _you_ they'll hurt.

You can't believe you lost your knife, though.There goes your only guaranteed way out, sitting in the mud probably two miles away from the castle.Asriel trudges along next to you, and as awful as it is to have dragged him into your problems, you're glad for the company.

You want to say something - to thank him, or apologize, or tell him everything will be fine, but your throat clamps up and the words remain stuck in your gut.You pull instinctively against the rope binding your wrists.

A hand appears on your shoulder from above, claws pressing near your neck in an unspoken threat, and you force your hands to go still.

"Quit it," says Asriel.

"Calm down, I'm not hurting them," says the head monster.

"You don't know that!Let them go."You look up at him, staring defiantly up at the head monster, and after a second he grabs the head monster's wrist and pushes her back.You turn to face her and stumble backward.Asriel stands between you and the monster, hand protectively out in front of you."Quit it!" he repeats angrily."I won't let you hurt them!"

"Kid, I swear..." the head monster says, sounding increasingly exhausted."Listen, I know you wanna be buddies with everyone, but that's a _human._ They're dangerous."

Asriel backs up just enough to be level with you, and says, "You're wrong."

"Do you have any idea how many people _died_ the last time a human came here?!" the head monster yells, suddenly angry.You back up a step, and Asriel follows suit."Look at them, Asriel.They're not your friend."

Asriel lowers his head and intones, "They don't have to be."

The ropes on your hands fall away. 

You turn to Asriel quickly, and he presses something metal into your hands and says, "Run!"

He sprints behind you, and you follow him as fast as you can.You look at the small object in your hands - your knife.It's your knife.There's shouting behind you.You won't have long before they catch up.Asriel slows down to wait for you, and you take his hand and start looking for somewhere to hide.

Something shoots past you - a magical attack?It collides with a rock and leaves a scorched mark on it.You turn to look at the monsters just in time to see another one heading straight towards you.You barely have time to brace yourself before...

Asriel collapses in front of you, clutching his stomach.The monsters are yelling but you can't make out the words.You pick him up - he's light, lighter than he looks - and take off running again.You find an opening too small for the monsters to follow you through and shove Asriel into it.He crawls farther in and you follow.

It opens into a larger crevice, and you get to a sitting position and examine Asriel.he's on his side, facing away from you, and there's a wound in the side of his gut.It isn't bleeding, but it's leaking _something_ that looks kind of like dust and you have to do something, you have to help him somehow.

"Damn it GET BACK OUT HERE!"

You flinch at the noise and try to keep your breathing quiet, silently maneuvering so you're between Asriel and the opening.The monsters seem to circle for a bit, but then you hear footsteps retreating, and you think you're safe for now.

Asriel lets out a little whine and you turn back to look at him.You don't know anything about monster biology or medicine, but it can't hurt to keep it clean, right?You take off your sweater and cover the wound with it.Asriel flinches as you do, but he doesn't try to stop you.You gently lift his ribs up so you can slide the sleeves under him and tie it in place.He's shivering, and he's not looking at you.

You have to help him.

How, though?

You back against the other wall and hug yourself by the short sleeves of your shirt.You hate to have your scars exposed like this, especially the new ones, but this is so much more important than your stupid pride.You let this happen, this happened because of you.You have to fix it.

Asriel...

You bury your head in your knees and find yourself having to push back tears again.Think.What can fix this, how can you help him?

...Toriel.You pull your head out of your knees and stare at your leg.You'd forgotten you'd even hurt it - if she could heal _that_ , she can heal this, right?And, and it's her _son_ , so you're sure she'd be willing to.You just have to get him home.

Just.You swallow and stand up, nudging Asriel to look at you.He reluctantly opens his eyes.

"I think they're gone," you sign."I'm gonna get you home, okay?"

Asriel nods.You carefully nudge him toward the opening, and he crawls out, and you follow.Once outside, you pick him up as gently as you can and start walking.

The way back is farther than the way out.

You pass into the woods and brace yourself against the cold.Asriel shivers in your arms and you try to walk faster - there's nothing you can do to keep him warm.He's light, lighter than he looks, but your arms are getting sore from holding him.You trudge through the snow, stubbing your toes more than once through your shoes on rocks and branches you couldn't see.The cold stings the exposed skin of your arms and face.

By the time you come to the door again, you're shivering just as much as Asriel.You trudge up to the door and try to shoulder it open, but it doesn't budge.You press your back to it and push as hard as you can, to no avail.You slip, and land on in the snow with Asriel on top of you.You push him into the snow, as gently as you can, and he curls up, shivering.You stand up and try the door again.Nothing.You knock, banging on it as hard as you can with your tiny fists, but it hardly makes any noise.You try to pry it open at the edges.

"Ch-chara?"Asriel's voice.

You kneel next to him again and sign, "I'm sorry, I can't get the door open."

Asriel reaches out to you and you pick him up again.Someone will come through here eventually, you're sure, so you just have to keep him warm until then, right?You go over to the wall next to the door and flop back to the ground, shifting your arms so you can just hug him.He hugs you back, and mutters, "S... s'okay.It's okay."You curl up around him.You just have to keep him warm.You just have to keep him alive until help comes.

This is all your fault.You want to apologize, but your hands are busy and you don't think he would see it anyway.That attack was meant for _you_ \- why did it hit him instead?It's not _fair_.He didn't deserve this.

You feel Asriel's hand on your cheek under your eyes.Are you crying?"It's okay," he repeats, slowly and carefully sounding out the words.You laugh a little, shaking your head.You should be the one telling _him_ that.

The door opens.You scramble into a standing position, teetering a little before you can account for Asriel's weight.A monster takes half a step out and glances in both directions before her eyes settle on you.Toriel.

"Oh my goodness," she says, hands covering her mouth, before she kneels to your height and takes Asriel from you."Asirel?What happened?"

"I'm sorry," you sign, and she looks at you with an expression of shock and horror on her face."He was protecting me," you explain."This was my fault.I'm sorry."You're shaking and you tell yourself it's from the cold.You wipe your eyes with your arm and sign, "Can- can you heal him?Will he be okay?I'm sorry."

Toriel stands, suddenly, and walks back inside before turning and watching you expectantly.Assuming you're supposed to follow her, you take a cautious step inside, and Toriel, satisfied, continues through the basement and into the house with you at her heels.She shoulders open the bedroom door and places Asriel gently on the bed before carefully untying the sweater over the wound.She gasps a little, seemingly on the verge of tears, when she sees it.She holds her hands over him and there's a green glow throughout the entire room as her magic swells into him.

The light fades after a second, and you watch as she touches his face gently."Asriel?" she says."My child, can you hear me?"

There's a mumble coming from Asriel's head, but you can't make out the words.

"It's alright," she tells him."You're going to be just fine."She sits then, next to the bed, facing him, and lets out a long, shaky breath.

You want to approach.You want to look at his face and see for yourself if he's okay.You stay still, though, because you know you aren't supposed to be near him and breaking that rule is what caused this to happen.

Toriel looks at you, and you meet her gaze despite the panic that swells in your gut at the knowledge you have her attention.You raise your hands to sign something, but the words don't come.Toriel stands and walks over to you and you bow your head, returning your hands to your sides.

A hand on your face indicates that she wants you to look at her, so you crane you neck upward until you can see her face.She signs, warily, "You said he was hurt protecting you.What was he protecting you from?"

You back against the wall to see her better, and raise your hands carefully to sign.You aren't sure how to answer.You swallow and tell her, "There were three monsters who came looking for him.I... I think they thought I was hurting him.They attacked me and he- he got in the way and..."

Toriel kneels to your height and rubs a thumb across your cheek."What did these monsters look like?" she asks.

You tell her, and as you sign she nods warily, seeming to grow more distressed as you continue. You finish with an apology and she sighs, running a hand through your hair as she looks away from you.She raises her hands to sign, but you interrupt."I"m not deaf," you tell her."I'm sorry I made you think I was.You don't have to sign."

Toriel looks surprised for a second, but lowers her hands and speaks instead."Are you hurt?" she asks.

You blink up at her in surprise, but shake your head no.Your arms are still kind of burning from the shock of coming into the warm house, but you're not hurt.

Toriel doesn't point out the cuts on your arms.She runs a hand through your hair gently and speaks again."I need to go and find Asgore," she says."I'm sorry, but I need you to come with me."

You nod.You hate to leave Asriel alone, but you're sure it would be even worse to leave him alone with _you_ , so you don't try to object.

"Mom?" Asriel says from the bed, and Toriel rushes over to him.

"What is it, my child?" she asks.

Asriel coughs a couple of times before he asks, "Where's Chara?"

Toriel blinks, concerned, before softening."They're right here.Chara, would you come over here?" she calls to you.

You walk up to him quietly (no sudden movements, no loud noises) and Toriel makes room for you next to his bed.Asriel reaches for your hand and you take his, signing an apology with your other one.

"Quit that," he tells you grumpily.He sits up, with some difficulty, and elaborates."Quit apologizing.This wasn't your fault."He leans forward, clutching his stomach in one hand, and turns his head toward Toriel."Mom, they..." he starts, and suffers through another coughing fit before he can finish, "they're not in trouble, are they?"

You shouldn't, but you follow his gaze toward Toriel, who hesitates for a long time before she speaks."No," she tells him, "It's alright."She rubs his head gently with one hand and continues, "I need to go and find your father and let him know you're safe," she continues."Will you be alright alone for a little bit?"

"Can Chara stay?" Asriel asks.

You shake your head no, so Toriel won't have to.

"How come?" Asriel whines.

You sign, "She can't just leave you alone with _me_.It isn't safe for you."

Toriel moves in the corner of your vision, but you keep your eyes focused on Asriel, who groans loudly and flops back into his bed."Fine," he grumbles, and curls up on his side facing the wall."Whatever.Just go."

Toriel rubs his shoulder with one hand and assures him, "We'll be right back, my child."

Asriel grumbles in response and Toriel stands, gesturing for you to follow her out of the room.You comply, and Toriel surprises you when you get out the door by turning back toward the laundry room, where she retrieves your own sweater from the dryer and hands it to you.You take it gratefully and put it on, and she leads you out the front door.

"Chara..." she says when you get out into the wider cavern, and you wait for her to continue but she walks in silence for a long time afterward.You think about signing something to prompt her to continue, but you think she knows you're listening and you don't want to be rude by rushing her. 

Once you come into view of a large, bustling city, she stops and looks down at you."I know you understand by now that this situation is... complicated.Our races have never been on the friendliest of terms.However, I want you to know that..." she hesitates, avoiding your eyes as she searches for the right words, and you wait anxiously for her to finish."I want you to know that the monsters who attacked you were _not_ acting according to their orders."She looks at you again, and there's something in her expression you can't read, but it's devoid of hostility."As long as you remain here," she tells you, "I will do everything in my power to keep you safe."She rests a hand on your shoulder and you manage to avoid flinching."That's a promise," she finishes.

You blink up at her, conflicted between your instincts to argue and let it be.To accept this without question would feel like a lie, but would it be rude to object?You hesitate, but sign, "Those monsters thought I was hurting Asriel.I... I threatened them.It wasn't their fault, it was mine."You lower your head and continue, "I know you haven't figured out what to do with me yet, but if... If you have to kill me, I understand."

"That is _out of the question_ , little one."You look up to see Toriel staring down at you with an expression of solemn determination."Killing you was _never_ an option," she reiterates."It is true that we are not sure what happens, now, but... I can promise you that much, at least."

"Thank you," you feel yourself sign, and she smiles down at you, takes your hand, and leads you into the city.


	3. Chapter 3

You keep your head down and follow quietly behind Toriel, absently rubbing the fabric of your sweater between your fingers.It's clean, for the first time in a long while, and you let yourself rub the end of the sleeve on your face to celebrate.It smells like laundry detergent.It's embarrassing, but you feel kind of giddy to have it back after expecting never to see it again.You make sure Toriel isn't looking and check for the knife in your pocket - still there.

You know you won't be able to keep the knife now that those other monsters know you have it, and it'll probably be easier for you if you tell Toriel about it yourself, but you can't bring yourself to give it up any sooner than you absolutely have to.It isn't just a knife - it's _your_ knife; it's the only thing you have that's really _yours_.

Except the sweater, maybe, but even that was given to you by someone else.You bought your knife yourself, with your own money, that you _earned_ , and that makes it special.

Toriel stops walking and you hazard a glance upward at the monsters in front of you.Asgore is here, and with him are...

"Chidna," says Toriel, an air of authority about her that wasn't present before."Kikili.Ryna.Would you care to explain exactly _what happened to my son_?"

"What?" Asgore says before the others can react."Toriel, what do you mean?Where is he?"

"He is at home," Toriel explains, voice level."I healed what I could, and I believe he will be okay."She doesn't take her eyes off the other monsters as she speaks."Chidna, perhaps you can shed some light on the situation?"

The head monster - Chidna - initially responds by simply glaring at you.You take an instinctive step backward, strengthening your grip on Toriel's hand.Chidna speaks."What do you think happened?He found the human - or maybe they found _him_ first-"

"Do not lie to me," says Toriel."I saw the wound.It was not caused by a physical attack."She lets go of your hand and rests hers on your head.You inch closer to her."This child _carried_ him all the way back here.Now, even if it _were_ true that they'd hurt him, what did you expect to accomplish by _leaving_ him?When did you plan to tell us he was injured?"

"The..." Chidna starts, and hesitates before declaring, "That human dragged him into a tunnel we couldn't get into!They could've been halfway to the _surface_ by the time we got into it, and-"

"Chidna," interrupts Asgore, "That's enough."

You think he's about to say something else, but Chidna speaks again first, "Look," she says, "You're right, we fucked up, and I'm sorry, but are you really just gonna let that kid run around like this?"She gestures at you, and as everyone follows her gaze you find yourself shrinking behind Toriel."Did you at least get that knife away from them?"

You freeze."What?" Toriel asks, and as she turns to face you, you step back, having lost the protection of standing behind her.

"I..." you sign, panicking, "I don't have it anymore.They took it."

"And Asriel gave it back to you," Chidna retorts angrily."Your majesties, I hope you understand - It was a difficult situation, they were _armed,_ they were threatening everyone-"

Toriel kneels to your height and looks you in the eye."Chara," she says, holding out one hand."Please do not lie to me.Do you have a knife?"

You hesitate for longer than you should.You've already lied, you want to lie again, maybe Asriel would back you up, but these other monsters saw it happen and you don't want to get him in trouble and it's only a matter of time before they figure it out anyway and...

You lower your head, eyes screwed shut, and dig the knife out of your pocket.Toriel gently takes it from your hand and you don't look to see what she does with it.You hear her sigh.

"You found 'em?"

You jump at the voice and turn to look for the voice behind you - a large turtle monster holding an enormous hammer.You back up instinctively and almost bump into Toriel.

"Gerson!" says Asgore behind you."There you are."

"I miss somethin' important?" asks the turtle monster, smiling.

You stare up at Gerson while Toriel and Asgore catch him up on the conversation thus far, including how much trouble Chidna and her friends are in, and finally remember it's rude to stare and lower your head, instinctively holding the sleeves of your sweater in front of you.

"I was about to ask, actually," Chidna says before Gerson really has a chance to react."What are we doing with that human?You can't just keep them at the castle, can you?"

"You still want us to keep an eye on 'em?" asks Gerson, and you feel Toriel's hand on your shoulder.

"I'm sure we _could_ keep them with us," she says uncertainly."Could you ensure their safety, should we leave them with you?"

"A'course," replies Gerson."Speakin' of, why don' you three take the rest a' the day off?"

There are grumbles from Chidna's direction, but she doesn't object and neither do her friends.

Asgore is the next to speak."Still, I don't truly see a need for it - human or not, they are still a child, and they've done nothing..."

"Remember the part where they threatened us with a knife?" asks Chidna flatly.

There's an awkward silence following her words, and you gently tug on Toriel's robe to get her attention, looking up at her just long enough to sign, "It's okay.I understand."

Toriel kneels to look you in the eye and says, "You are not in trouble, little one."After a moment's hesitation, she gestures to Gerson and continues, "This is Gerson, the head of the royal guard.It is his job to make sure everyone in the underground is safe."

"Like the police?" you ask.

"Yes, precisely," replies Toriel.

"Am I going to jail?" you sign.

"No!" Toriel answers quickly, holding her hands defensively in front of her."No, nothing like that.You see, part of the royal guard's job is to take care of children who have been separated from their families, until a more permanent solution can be found.You are not in trouble," she repeats.

It takes you a second to decide what to say."Okay," you decide, "I understand."

Toriel hesitates a second longer before saying, "Yes, well... Yes, I believe that would be best for now.I will come and visit you soon, alright?"

You nod, and Gerson walks up to you and rests a hand on your head."Don' you worry 'bout a thing, Majesties, you jus' go keep an eye on yer own lil' runt, an' we'll make sure this'n's safe an' sound."

"Thank you, Gerson," says Asore."We'll leave them to you."

Gerson takes your hand and you follow him deeper into the city as the King and Queen disappear behind you.You keep your head down and let him guide you, silently mourning the loss of your knife once again.This time it's really gone forever, you're sure.Asriel won't have a chance to find it and return it to you, and _that's_ assuming they don't just destroy it.You hope they don't.It was a good knife, it doesn't deserve to be melted down.

"So," Gerson says, eyes ahead of him as you walk, "Chara, right?"

He looks down at you as he asks this, and you nod.

"Nice name," he says, looking ahead of him again."Well, welcome to the Royal Guard Offices!"he gestures proudly to the building in front of you, watching your expression before laughing."Wahaha, not the most spectacular building, eh?"

You have no idea how he wants you to respond to that, but luckily he starts walking again before you have to.

The inside looks even less spectacular than the outside - it's just an office building.A couple of monsters stop to look at you, but continue on their way without asking.Gerson leads you to a corner of a large room that's decorated with a colorful rug and a few boxes of toys - it looks like a classroom for little kids.

"You like drawing?" Gerson asks, and you nod without really thinking about it.He grins and digs through one of the boxes before producing a stack of blank white paper the size of your head.He plops it on the ground triumphantly."Well," he says, "this is all yours, if ya want.We got plenty of other toys an' stuff, too."He looks around the area for a second, and you think he's about to say something else when another monster calls his name."Whoops," he says."I gotta go.You gonna be okay here for a bit?"

You nod, and as he leaves you hear him pull someone aside and ask them to keep an eye on you.You find a box of crayonsand pull the first paper off the top of the stack.

Drawing is something adults tell you to do to keep you busy for a while, so you let yourself relax in the knowledge that you have some time more or less to yourself.You end up drawing a lot of flowers, since that tends to be the first thing that comes to mind when your crayon hits the paper.You color them in methodically, letting yourself get so absorbed in the process that you quickly lose track of how much time has passed. 

You wonder how Asriel is doing.His mother seemed really worried about him, but not so much as to refuse to leave his side, so you think she meant it when she said he'll be okay.He still seemed like he was in a lot of pain when you left, though, and you're worried about him.You fold one paper in half and write his name on it, covering it front to back with little golden flowers, shaping out the words 'Get better soon' like a magic charm you hope will heal him.

You pause after a minute, realizing how dumb this is when you don't even have a way to get it to him, but your hand keeps moving anyway as you color the flowers in.

"S'that for Asriel?"You jump at the voice - Gerson - and he crouches to look at the card."Ah, that's sweet a' you.You want me ta bring it over for ya?"He winks and continues, "I gotta head up there anyhow."

You hesitate, still feeling kind of dumb for doing this at all, but nod."Thank you," you sign.

"Sure thing, kiddo," replies Gerson.He gently takes the card in his hands and adds, "You doin' okay here?"

You nod, because honestly, you _are_.You don't know why he cares, but he does, and right now that's good enough for you.He leaves, and you look back around the corner and spot a little pile of blankets and pillows, and realize all at once how tired you are.

You carefully put away the papers and crayons, making a separate pile for your finished drawings, and make a little pile of soft things to curl up in.You bury yourself in blankets and as you wait for sleep you find yourself wondering idly what's going to happen to you.You guess it depends on whether Asriel's okay - even if you didn't attack him, it was still your fault he got hurt, and you doubt they'll be this nice to you if he ends up permanently disabled because of you.His wound looked pretty bad, too, but he was acting a little better by the time you left.you stare at your hands, wishing you had your knife and the privacy to use it, and dig your fingernails into your arms through your sleeves.It hurts - not enough to satisfy the itch, but enough to calm your nerves just a little.

You wake up, again, to the sound of Asriel's voice.

"Chara!" he exclaims, pulling blankets off of you."There you are!Are you okay?"

Are _you_ okay??You sit up abruptly, staring at him and quickly signing, "What are you doing here?Are you alright?Your wound-"

"I'm fine!" Asriel says cheerfully."It's fine, see?"He pulls up his shirt to show you his stomach where he was hit - not a scratch on him."Good as new," he tells you.He hugs you, then, and you resist the urge to push him away."Thank you," he says, and you have to wait for him to pull away before you can reply.

"What for?" you ask.

He sticks his tongue out at you and answers, "For taking me home!I know you didn't wanna come back here, you... You didn't have to do all that for me."

"Of course I had to," you sign."You were hurt, and you weren't supposed to be, it was supposed to be me.You didn't deserve that."

"And you did?" Asriel asks angrily.

You nod, keeping eye contact with him in defiance.

Asriel shakes his head."I don't get it," he says."Why do you keep saying stuff like that?You didn't deserve to get hurt either."

"I did, though," you tell him."I'm not _like_ you, Asriel, I'm..." you think for a second, and decide, "bad.I'm a bad person."You look away from him as you finish, waiting anxiously for him to speak.

"You're not making any sense," he says.

You bristle, and, frustrated, sign, "YOU'RE not making any sense!You're the one who went out into a _snowstorm_ to look for a human kid you didn't even know, you're the one who carried me to your house when I hadn't done anything for you, you're the one who keeps protecting me no matter how dangerous I am or how much you get hurt, I don't... I don't get it."You take a breath, stopping yourself from crying, and shut your eyes as you sign, "Why are you being... so _nice_ to me?"

Asriel doesn't answer for a long time, staring at you with an expression of confusion and concern.Finally, he answers, "Why not?"

* * *

"Can I ask you something, little one?"

You look up and put your book down in one motion, scooting backward into the corner.Asgore takes a few steps toward you, wearing a cautious smile, and you wonder if you're in trouble."Is something wrong?" you ask instead, and Asgore quickly shakes his head no.

"I just want to talk," he says, sitting down next to you and looking all the bigger for it.This corner is too small for him."Asriel told us what happened," he says.

Ah."I'm sorry," you sign, avoiding his eyes and hoping you aren't in too much trouble over this.You really tried to help him, even if he just got hurt even more because of it...

"Don't apologize!" Asgore says nervously, holding his hands in front of him.You blink up at him in surprise, pulling your book a little closer to yourself."You did nothing wrong," he continues."I wanted to _thank_ you, for bringing him back to us."

"He wouldn't have gotten hurt if it wasn't for me," you sign nervously.You can't just act like you didn't do anything wrong, even if they want you to as part of their game."You don't have to play pretend," you tell him, against your better judgement."You don't have to keep acting like I'm just some kid."

"If we did not treat you like any other child," says Asgore, with more certainty than you expected, "we would be a _sorry_ kingdom."

"I'm dangerous," you sign, frustrated."You said it yourself.I know you're not stupid; you don't have to keep acting like-"

"Chara, please."Asgore takes a second to collect himself, and you let him."I was... nervous," he tells you."We all were.It has been... a _long_ time since a human has come here."

"And the last one killed people," you interrupt."I know.I heard you and Toriel talking the other night."

Asgore hesitates, watching you, and you try not to let your fear show.You're just laying all of your cards _flat_ in the hopes that they'll go easy on you even after they drop this stupid act, and you know it could all be for nothing, but you can't just keep pretending after what happened to Asriel.

"I'm sorry," you repeat.

He waits a moment longer before he speaks again."When I said that..." he tells you, "that you were dangerous, I was trying to keep my son from being alone with you.For the time being."He adds the last part defensively, with a nervous smile, and gives himself another second to think."Since then, you have been alone with him exactly twice, and the second of those times you could very well have saved his life."

You didn't think his wound was _that_ bad.If his life was actually in danger because of that whole mess, that doesn't bode well for you."It was my fault he got hurt in the first place," you sign.

"It most certainly was _not_."Asgore tells you forcefully, and when you look up at him you see that he's wearing a tense, determined expression."The people who attacked you were acting recklessly, and the blame falls entirely on them."

Frustrated, you look back down at your closed book.He's either wrong, or he's lying, and you're not sure it even matters which.

"Chara," Asgore continues, "you have proven yourself to be brave, selfless, and compassionate - even toward people you hardly knew.I promise, as long as you remain here, we will do our best to take care of you." He sighs, then, looking away from you."And," he adds, "if you wish to go home, we will assist you in that endeavor as well.There is no need for you to make the journey to the barrier alone."

You stare at him for a little bit, trying to asses his intentions, but if there's a lie, you can't find it in his face.You want to ask what the catch is, what they would expect of you, what 'behaving' looks like to them, but the only thing your hands feel like signing is, "I don't want to go home."

Asgore hugs you, suddenly, and you let him.This isn't so bad, you decide.You keep your limbs close to yourself and try to stay grounded until he lets go, and offer him a weak smile when he does."Then," he asks, "would you like to come back with us?"

You blink - you'd assumed he meant they'd care for you as a kingdom, that at best you'd get to stay here in the office, but if he meant...

"Asriel wants you to come," he says, looking over his shoulder with a trace of laugher in his voice, "but the choice is yours.I won't ask you to do anything you do not want to."

"Do you... really mean that?" you ask dumbly.

"Of course," Asgore replies, grinning."Of course."

You fail to stop yourself from crying.You raise an arm to cover your face with your sleeve, embarrassed, but you can't help but...

You can stay here.You can really...You can stay in the nice little house, with _Asriel_ , who was so adamant about protecting you, even after he got hurt, and he's _okay_ , and he's not even mad, and you can...

"I'm sorry," you sign."It's rude to cry, I... I'm sorry."

"It isn't rude at all," Asgore replies, sounding a little confused."Take all the time you need, little one.You do not have to decide today."

"I want to come," you tell him."Of course I do, I want..."You sniffle, rubbing your face again.A thought nags at the back of your brain that you _shouldn't_ want this, you shouldn't accept this, not when you could hurt someone else, but right now you can't bring yourself to care.You're too tired to care.You just want to be safe.

And for the first time in a long while, you're starting to think you are.

"Thank you," you sign."Thank you."

Asgore rests a hand on your head, and you laugh, and it doesn't hurt.


End file.
